Hey, I would like to say colleagues in the workplace also need to be compassionate towards others who work alongside them. It's common knowledge that most offices operate based on the efforts of 10% of the workforce. It could be that others are smart enough to say no, or some people are caring enough to worry that if this work is assigned to someone, they will have a hard time at work. Sometimes, things can go out of control, and it may not even be about work at all. I remember a time when my mind told me I could push a little bit more and still be okay. I mean, after all, it's office work, anyone can do it, right? I was horribly wrong. It all began with a lack of sleep. My roommate was a student and would stay up late at night, and I can't sleep without pitch darkness. My sleep cycle started getting messed up. The first COVID infection came, and all of a sudden, I had brain fog. Whenever I lie down, all I can feel is pitch darkness, but my heartbeat is racing. I know it's a panic attack, but why now? I have experienced it countless times, courtesy of The Spectrum. I hate hearing my own voice even though I was a singer; I prefer texting people. I don’t like to engage in conversations, I don’t like any change in my routine, and I don’t even like following a different path to the office. I need headphones and I want to listen to music. A dent or a scratch is a nightmare because I notice minute details like the camera ring on my phone having chipped paint (anodised aluminium coating wearing off), or the scratch on my watch casing because it got nicked by my mother’s bangle. I can be harsh on myself for not being careful, or I react very sharply to people who might have caused such an event knowingly or unknowingly, and it can be hurtful to people. But for me, I just can't process the concept of a nicked watch or an imperfect item or tool, or the consequence of my actions. My mind is buzzing all the time. So many variables to keep in check. I have been trying to normalise things by putting myself in controlled, tougher situations to better adapt, but this just kept feeling like a burden. I took immediate steps to get help by reaching out, and it was suggested that restoring sleep was the way forward. I started with melatonin tablets; four days were good, then all of a sudden they stopped working. It just felt empty. All I wanted was to sleep peacefully without having to worry; things spiraled very, very badly. I remember trying to tire myself out to sleep, and it just didn’t work. I would walk out at night or at 2 AM crying bitterly because I just wanted this emotional load, this processing load, off me, the question which would keep me up Is why cant I be just like others, how fluid they function or work? Why cant they just figure things out on their own? Why cant they just understand that its difficult for me?. I would sleep by 5:00AM and get ready for work by waking up at 8:30AM, exhausted. I looked for help; they said it is going to be a continuous process and the solution has to come from within, because apart from mild depression, the condition is burnout and ASD. I was told one single sentence, no one in this world would understand or feel what another person feels the way that the affected person feels. No amount of words or mode of communication can express that pain. You are the only person who can solve for your own problems. I took a break for six months, did some things to manage this entire mess, did things which genuinely made me feel happy, and I had help from a couple of friends.I helped some who were in need. Fortunately, after all this happened and I could still land a job, but then again, questions were asked about why there was a gap of six months. I learned a very important lesson: sometimes we just hide a lot behind a smile and can lose track of all the emotions we have to process, and we normalise emotional load. The hardest part, which I summarised by “it spiralled very, very bad,” was not as simple and rosy as I typed. The Hardest was people who I thought would help me or understand me trivialised the entire thing by "This happens to everyone!" To them I would want to say in all the walks at 2:00 AM, I never saw any of you. I never saw many humans, I did see a few Stray dogs, I saw the city lights twinkle as stars, when you are teary you will understand. The hardest part was to understand what you need because truth be told I am not entirely sure what caused all this. I know I lost a part of myself in all of this, but I believe 1% of something is still better than 100% of nothing. I hold great pride in knowing that this lesser being was 100x better than most accomplished men/women. Sometimes, raise your gaze from those screens, look around you, a smile might be all what it takes. Understand no one expects you to solve their problems, all they expect is to remind them who they are and kickstart an chain of actions. Believe me they will be able to solve the problems all by themselves.